Dear Facebook

Dear Facebook:

Here of late I've had a love/hate relationship with you. I love you because I have the ability to stalk people without them knowing. I hate you because people like to fill up my news feed with senseless information and pictures that make me want to tell them how stupid they are.

So, here's my list of grievances:

1. Nobody needs an minute to minute account of what you are doing and where you are at. I could care less that you just bought tomatoes at the grocery store or that you are once again having a crisis and need my prayers. Seriously, how many crisis’s can one person have? Also, the barrage of 'please pray for so and so' posts. Listen, if so and so needs my prayers, they can ask for them.


2. Seriously ladies, how many pictures can you take and post of yourself with the same pouty face, I'm trying to look sexy pose. No, not teenage girls. These are grown women. Please tuck your cleavage away and stop trying to impress everyone with a million pictures of you looking like you're getting ready to hit the town. We all know you don't have a life or you wouldn't have to post all those pictures!


3. Listen, it's great that you are working on what seems like a million sideline money making ventures. You go girl! Good for ya. But I don't want to see continuous posts about it on your personal account. That's why there are FB pages. And people who want to hear all about your 'lose weight quick' and 'get results now' crap can subscribe to your page. I don't want to lose weight now and I don't want to hear about it! 


4. Truly, nobodies life is that exciting. You can 'check in' at every dang place in town. I still don't think you're cool. Oh what, you're at the bar again? Good for you.


5. We are friends on FB, however, every time I see you out in public I go to extreme measures to not make eye contact or avoid you at all costs. There is something wrong with this picture.


6. I'm not even sure who the hell you are. It says we have 65 mutual friends, but for the life of me I can't seem to find any memory of ever knowing you. For this reason alone, we probably don't need to be friends.

So, I spent close to two hours on Friday cleaning up my Facebook page (thanks work for leaving me with nothing to do so I could complete this very important task). I got rid of about 50 people on my first sweep and got my Pages down to 420. Mind you, this was just the first sweep.

 

I'm on social media overload. I had to do something. It was that or I was going to update my status with some crazy kind of rant so that everyone stalking me on Facebook would have something to talk about.

 

So, that's it. I'm off.

 

But first, I have to go update my FB to let everyone know I just wrote a blog post about how much I'm hating FB!