Thursday, June 7, 2012

Thought for Thursday {Choosing Battles}

I apologize if you dropped by last week to find an empty page on Thursday. I had a tough week and didn't post at all. You can read more about what I've been struggling with here. But I've decided that instead of staying silent and hiding away, it feels better to get my thoughts down to share with my friends. Even if it isn't always the good and positive, that's not what life is really like. And I've always prided myself on being honest here on my blog and sharing all aspects of me. So, that's what I'm currently working on - pushing myself to share, even when it's not the best parts of me.

But enough of that, my thought for this Thursday:

I'm learning some very valuable lessons in my life on this journey that I'm on. About relationships and parenting and who I am and who I want to be. It's very rare that anyone really stands up to me and puts me in my place. Especially David. He is the ying to my yang. Where I am uptight and overbearing and a complete control freak, he is laid back, easy going and quite soft natured. He pretty much just lets me do my thing and rule the roost - until I am out of line.

So Sunday evening, when he somewhat blew up and told me off, I was quite taken aback. Basically the gist of his complaint was that I nag to much. Me, a nag? I mean, yes, I might stay on the kids about picking up and what needs to be done around the house. Perhaps I constantly remind David about what needs to be done and what we should be doing. I have been known to walk through the front door, prepared for battle and before even uttering a 'hello' I'm barking orders or demanding to know why things haven't been done. Okay, I might border on being Mommy Dearest from time to time.

After the argument was over and we had kissed and made up (our arguments never last long), I really started to think about the points he had made. And yes, I'm going to put it down here in black and white for all the world to see - he was right. Yep, I admit it. He had a very valid point and I realized I had some work to do on myself.

In the midst of my nagging and complaining and barking orders like a drill sergeant, I'm missing out on something - and that is our family. My over zealous need for organization and cleanliness and structure has clouded the way I interact with my family, the time I spend with them and how I relate to them. And this made me sad. It made me think of all the things I'm missing out on - that we as a family are missing out on.

Now mind you, I will never be able to completely change. I am who I am. But I can learn to consciously decide how I deal with situations, the attitude I have when I come home from work and what I can live with versus what I can't live with. In essence, I'm going to have to learn to choose my battles. I'm going to have to ease up a little. At the end of the day, if the house is in order, but there are crumbs on the counter, is this really worth chastising someone over? If the kids have picked up the living room, but their rooms are still a mess, can't I just close their doors for the time being?

I want our home to be a place full of love, fun and joy. I want my kids to know that I love them and appreciate them and want to spend time with them. I yearn for evenings again where we all enjoy a game of home run derby in the front yard or David and I sit on the front porch and watch them run through the sprinklers. And to have that, I'm going to have to carefully pick what I can look over and let slide. Because in the end, I want our kids to look back with fond memories of their time growing up in our house. And to have precious memories of their time with David and me.

Elf House Chronicles


  1. Thank you for sharing all of that. Your honesty is refreshing. I would consider you to be one of my life heroes because you have managed to find the silver lining in the midst of your struggles. Thanks again for this link up. I really love the deep thoughts.

  2. Hope hope this week has been kinder to you my friend...

    Thank you for hosting, all linked up.

    Claire x

  3. This is something I've had to learn too. Going from living alone to living with someone (can't even imagine of multiple someones) is a big shock to the system.

  4. Amen amen amen. I live my life this way - there's no other way ;)

  5. change is hard, but it is possible :) and I love that we both wrote about balance in our partners! thanks for hosting!

  6. I struggle with always wanting everything perfect in the house. I have to try very hard to tuck it away when things are not perfect. You said everything very well...