Thursday, May 24, 2012

Thought for Thursday {Putting Myself First}

Saturday evening, standing in front of the mirror, half dressed and with one side of my makeup done, David walks into the bathroom. Why in that moment I decided to unleash myself, is beyond me, but mascara in hand I simply said "I feel like I've lost myself in all of this. I've lost a part of me and feel like I don't do anything anymore that is just for me." To which he replied, "you're doing something for you tonight, you're going out." Oh men, they just don't get it. I was in fact going out (to my lingerie shower) and quite grateful and happy for it, but that wasn't what I meant.
I meant that since I've taken on the job of being a full time Mom, I feel like that is all I am. That is all I do. That is the only thing that really defines me anymore. Everyone knows that I love this job and take if very seriously, but there are times that something is missing. A part of me is missing. Something deep down inside me is not being fulfilled and from that comes sadness and anger and resentment. I have nobody to blame. I know for a fact that most Mama's probably feel the same or have at some point in their life.
In between working a full time job, rushing home to cook dinner, baseball games, homework, bandaging cuts and scrapes, signing permissions slips and being 'tuned in' to 3 teenagers - I normally don't have a minute to myself. When I fall into bed at night, exhausted, I don't always feel a sense of accomplishment or a job well done. People can tell me (and they do) what a great job I'm doing and what a blessing I am to the kids - and I appreciate that, but I feel like some Amanda has been lost in the journey. And I want to find a way to get her back.
I honestly have no clue what it is I'm searching for or wanting. I'm praying on it and keeping an open mind. I do know that time outside of the house and away from everything is good for my soul and I always come back feeling blessed and refreshed. So, it might be a volunteer opportunity or a class I've been wanting to take.
Whatever it is, I know that from time to time, I have to put me first. And not have any feelings of guilt attached. Because if I'm not taking care of me and I'm not happy with me, then I'm of no use to anybody. And then where would we be?

Elf House Chronicles


  1. I know how you feel. It does get that way sometimes and I have to go out and relax and come back refreshed, ready to take on the day again. I think all Mom's go through that. I used to feel so guilty for going on a girl's night out but now I know it is okay.:) Hope you had a great shower!!!

  2. My parents always tell others that are new to parenting to take a bit of time for yourself & make sure to have one date night a month. So it's perfectly normal to feel the way you do, since you are always doing & thinking of others. I wish we lived closer to each other so I could steal you at least 1 day a month for some recharging time!

  3. Oh Manda. HUGS. Yes - alone time is a must or you're going to get burnt out to quick. Can you join a book club or like you said, volunteer opportunity? Or even 30 mins or an hour at the gym for some alone/"me" time? HUGS.
    I know God will reveal to you what you are looking for <3

    Happy Thursday...have a lovely day! Thanks for the great linkup! ox

  4. Here, Here sister! I can so relate. It is on ongoing struggle always to find joy in being a SAHM. you and are pro at it now that we have teens right? WRONG? I constantly have to bring this stuff up and out of my head to work through what's going on internally. I really could not agree with you more about taking care of yourself first. And dammit! Sorry for the curse but why is it that we have mommy guilt when we do. I really needed to hear this today, so thank you.
    And thanks again for the link up.

  5. I know how you feel. I didn't make it to mom of three teenagers and I had to fight for me time when my little girl turned 4. Now I work, want to continue my education, and mother my child. Because all of those things are important for me feeling "of value" to both myself and society. The feeling of accomplishment... that's what drives me.

  6. I'm not a mom, but I have one! When my mom had three little monsters (my siblings and I) to take care of she joined a women's club. It was no kids allowed and they met once a week. You have to take time for yourself so that you can stay happy and healthy. Go on a day trip alone or with a friend. You deserve it!