Wednesday, August 31, 2011

The Working Mom Blues

I don't know if I thought it was going to be easy or just didn't think about how hard it was going to be – blending my independent, solitary lifestyle with 5 other people. But it's not easy at all. Every day is a struggle and every day I'm learning something new about myself. Bringing kids into the mix really has made me have to stop and re-evaluate how I live my life, the things that come out of my mouth, how I react to stuff – and the list goes on and on. I'm a pretty sensitive person. To most people I appear to have a really thick skin and not let anything bother me, but that's just my exterior 'tough guy' I suppose. In all honesty, I wear my heart on my sleeve when it comes to the people I care about and love and take a lot of things to heart and even more stuff personal.

Without going into too much personal detail, my step-kids mother is currently not around. I assumed that this would make it that much more likely that they would fall in love with me and I would be the person who they looked up to and came to and needed. That was me being extremely naive. Because they have a mother. And no matter what poor decisions she has made in her life and the fact that she has made the choice to not currently be in the picture, she is still, in fact, their mother. And they will love her and be loyal to her till the end. This is a extremely hard concept for me to accept and make sense of. To give everything I have and love dearly these four individuals and know I may never get the same in return is really difficult. It does not mean that I will stop loving them or stop making sure they have everything in life they need to succeed, but I need to find a way in my head (and heart) to make peace with the fact that I may never get any of that in return.

I didn't know what a strain it would be to come back to work full time and still have to manage our home. There aren't enough hours in the day. I feel burnt out and don't have a creative bone left in my body right now. All the things I would love to be doing (learning to sew, making jewelry, creating items for my shop) have sadly been pushed aside. I don't have the time, nor the energy, nor the desire to make it happen right now. And that truly saddens me. I feel like somewhere in this new journey in my life, I've lost a little piece of me and I'm not certain how to get it back.

In no way would I trade this new life in. I would make all the same decisions given the chance again. I love David and I love the kids – with every ounce of me. I'm in it for the long haul and will give it everything I have until there is nothing left. I guess I just need to find some balance in my life. Some time for me. Some time for the things that make me feel alive. And I'm not sure how to get back to that place.

Have any of you Mom's out there struggled with this? Have suggestions or tips for me? Ways to get my creative mojo back? Advice on how to live the life of a Step-Mom?

Lots of Love...
~Manda Jane~


  1. I am a step-mom to 4 kids also, and have 5 of my own. Here is my email we can talk I have come a long way in the last year with some simple changes. Email me anytime. Hugs,

  2. I'm sending you the bigggggest long distance hug! I was just thinking about you and started an email and then you posted.
    XOX Tracie